Improve your Relationship…with yourself!

In our coaching courses it is common for participants to have as a goal improving their relationship with others, which may include the boss, the co-worker, the husband, the girlfriend, the friend, the brother. However, I note that many of them forget the relationship with themselves. And this is precisely the first relationship to be worked, improved and cared for.

William Shakespeare said “Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers.” When do we not lick our own fingers?

When you consider that you must adapt yourself, not contradict anyone, improve in order to better serve what you are “cooking” for your children, family, friends, forgetting to taste what you “cooked”. You probably cultivate the thought “I need to be loved”. This thought infiltrates like a belief, makes you prioritise the needs and desires of others, rejecting your own, so they will accept and like you. Through fear of being rejected, you end up rejecting yourself. Can you imagine living with someone who always rejects you? Many people live with this someone – their own self.

When you reject yourself, you fall in the trap of placing at risk your own worth. So, you begin to question yourself frequently, to blame yourself (instead of assuming responsibility), to block your learning with internal dialogue, with phrases such as, “Why am I always so stupid?”, “I am always making a mistake, I never learn, “I cannot fail”.

Here you enter another web, a belief that you are not capable of dealing with failure, and you convince yourself that you must not fail in anything. Then, you procrastinate so you will not accept something where you think you may fail, you boycott, and like a self-prophecy, what you do, you do wrong, what you attempt, you fail. Next, you charge yourself, and once again you are blocked, and afraid of failing.

Once again, you are not licking your own fingers. You are not tasting the flavour of the learning, or even the seasoning of being responsible for oneself, “I learn from my mistakes and can act differently in the future”. Stop yourself. You look at yourself as someone of dubious value. You maintain a relationship of inferiority with yourself since, to be accepted by yourself, you must be perfect. You do not trust yourself. You are divorced from your self.

The fear of failure must be exchanged for the premise that we all err and will make mistakes. Thus, the first relationship of peace, love and trust to nourish is the relationship with yourself. If this relationship is happy, others will be as a result.

© MORE Institut Ltd.
Author: Karina Milheiros Kimmig
Humanistic Master Trainer Coach, Master Trainer PNL,
President of IHCOS, IN, ICI, Vice-President of ECA.